Account for the relationship as it is now
Use a tone that fits the present relationship, not the closeness, authority, or access that existed in the past. For a message about how to give an employee a performance warning, use this factual base: state the role, policy, decision, dates, and process that apply without disclosing another employee's information.
Ask without assigning an obligation
Explain what you hope for while making decline, delay, or a different format genuinely acceptable. Explain the available next step, support, review route, or deadline and name the correct contact. Make the immediate next step clear enough that the recipient can answer without reconstructing the entire history.
Keep the ending honest
Do not imply a guaranteed outcome, retaliate, or use informal pressure where a formal process is required. Use HR, a representative, legal advice, or emergency support for discrimination, harassment, threats, or immediate danger. Avoid future promises, guilt, flattery, or nostalgia that imply the recipient owes you access.